Rosie Corriette

Notes from a retired blogger

Category: Motherhood

  • Shielding Diaries | Week 3

    Shielding Diaries | Week 3

    Week 3 of shielding and the theme is Easter holidays if you’re a parent. Easter is a massive part of who we are as Catholics it’s new beginnings and everything that represents so I knew this was going to be hard. Easter eggs are taken care of a-la-Grandma’s weekly food drop (yes I know that the Easter Bunny and the Resurrection are a clash, some may even say a contradiction but we’re Catholic, the originators of contradiction) I’ve turned to food to make a celebration of Easter weekend, finding comfort in the ritual of planning, cooking and baking – there’s too much to share here so I’ve pulled it all together in a Easter in Lockdown post.

    Shielding with a child is a contradiction in practice – it’s like a silent scream; you’re never alone so there’s no loneliness, however, being on your own is something I’ve craved, even fantasised about this week. I’m all touched out – a feeling I thought I’d left behind with the earlier years of motherhood. I’m of course acutely aware that this is harder for Boo, but that in some way just makes this all worse, layers upon layers of guilt build upon parenting anxiety laid out in-front the great vacuum of certainty. 

    Photo of mother and daughter smiling with heads together

    Ironically the arrival of the holidays in whatever form they’ve now come to mean has coincided with us finding our way with a semblance of a routine; Boo’s mastered the toaster and now her breakfast knows no limitations when it comes to toppings or timings it would seem. I maintain even in these strange and unchartered times that breakfast has no place in our home before 7am. Time for us like everyone with a new singular postcode of existence is slow and elastic – the first couple of weeks saw us debating whether lunch at 11.30 was acceptable now it can easily slip by to 3pm before we meander to the kitchen for round two of our carbohydrates daily load. 

    I’m fairly certain I will complete the entirety of the internet if this continues beyond May – I wonder if there’s a secret club? I also wonder if this achievement is linked to the loss of sanity? Asking for a friend, naturally. 

    Boo is loving the amount of craft she’s doing, I’m detesting the amount of craft she’s doing. I’m enjoying all this time we have to read, Boo not so much – are you sensing a theme here? It’s not all doom and gloom I assure you, we’ve always enjoyed a double act level of existence – a mother and daughter ying and yang if you will – and this complete togetherness has only strengthened this, an awareness that comes again from privilege.

    So a little more structure and less trepidation for this week’s instalment – slowly getting there, although the question is where is ‘there’.

  • Shielding Diaries | Week 1 & 2

    Shielding Diaries | Week 1 & 2

    I had intended for this to be a weekly diary of our time shielding but the theme of the first week was utter denial. 

    Denial that we’d be confined to our home for twelve weeks as part of shielding with no physical contact with the outside world. 

    Denial that we wouldn’t see any loved ones bar a weekly food drop from my Mum. 

    Denial of just how much of a toll this would take on both Boo and me. 

    Like closeness in the air, the denial broke at the beginning of week two only to be replaced with a constant internal monologue of desolation. and despair. At the risk of sounding like a melodramatic Brontë-wannabe, it was a process that needed to happen. All ‘this’ would have been unfathomable a mere six weeks ago and now this is our new; and for how long, who knows. 

    Denial took the shape of worksheets, PE with Joe Wicks and banana loaf and lots of all of them. Granted they’ll all return after the Easter break but like most things in balance and hopefully with more kindness to ourselves; this isn’t an easy journey regardless of how yours looks like.

    Boo’s adapted like an absolute trooper and whilst no physical bravery has been required, her mental resilience and compassion reaffirms Boo the Brave as a worthy title. I’m fully aware that denial is at play here too, twelve is a number she’s comfortable trotting out in her timetables, not a period of time she can full comprehend spending at home. Is it wrong that I’m happy she hasn’t fully grasped it yet?

    Mother and daughter smiling - Shielding diaires

    Silver linings of quarantine/lockdown to find the time to read amongst other things under the umbrella of slowing down are afforded to me through immense privilege, one I am aware many don’t have. There is a growing discourse of ‘we’re all in this together’ and that COVID-19 is a leveller; this couldn’t be further from the truth. Inequality is at play more now than ever and our inability to accept this and take steps to address this both in the immediacy of the pandemic and in the aftermath as a society is both reckless and plain wrong. 

    As an information junkie I’m surprised at how quickly I’ve switched off the news. I watch the daily briefing and read some news online when I wake up in the morning, I can’t deal with the constant counter-factual articles with no newsworthy information. I miss being connected with current affairs around the world.

    Talking of missing I began the dangerous task of writing things/people I was missing with the purpose of mammoth to do/see after this. I soon stopped. Like all of you, I miss absolutely everyone and everything; perhaps I’ll give more space to this as the weeks pass but for now it feels too vast. 

    The survivalist in me keeps bringing me back to the thought that there’s no way this will last as long as some scientific models have suggested – can I survive beyond a basic physical level like this? Can I be the best for Boo if this continues for weeks, even months? 

    So there you have the first two weeks of our shielding, not a diary as such more of a rambling thought process – I imagine like this process it’ll grow and evolve over the coming weeks. Perhaps I’ll devote my time to writing a book, deep down I’ve always known I have one in me or perhaps I’ll spend cumulative hundreds of hours sitting on the end of my bed in a towel staring off into the distance. Who knows -the likelihood of either is pretty even.

    This post has sat in my drafts for a few too many days before I pressed publish, there’s an uneasy trend of comparing people’s thoughts and experiences during this global pandemic, creating a hierarchy of suffering – this serves no-one and does nothing but divide communities, there is no prize for suffering. 

  • Crying In the Shower| A Mother’s Secret

    Crying In the Shower| A Mother’s Secret

    I’ve never been scared to cry in front of Boo. But what do you do if the reason you’re crying is your child?

    I’ve spoken before about Boo’s health hurdles – tomorrow she’s having an operation, it’s set to (hopefully) be simple and straightforward but with her complex health issues, I’ve had a knot of fear ever growing over the past few months. With a heart full of worry and a head full of what ifs’ I’ve found my worry spilling over in the form of tears… late at night in the shower.

    Motherhood is strewn with worry: worry we’re getting it right, worry we’re doing enough, you name it and a mother has probably worried about it. It’s also my job to try as hard as I can to absorb all of Boo’s worries too. It’s never been a walk in the park but as the big day approaches, I have to be strong for Boo. Control is not something I relinquish easily – I like to be the bearer of solutions for any problem. Ask Boo what I can’t fix and she’ll proudly say there isn’t anything – but that’s not true, I can’t fix this.

    Being a mother of a child who is ill has to be one of the most isolating and frightening things I’ve ever done. The fear and worry is relentless and builds up until you have to let it out. Surrounded by amazing family and friends is a comfort but unless you’ve been through it yourself you just don’t get it. The tears I cry are an almost physical pain that escapes during hot showers. They signify an animalistic fear, one that is very real. Also frustration: why can’t I fix this for Boo?

    There’s also such a feeling of failure, Boo was born with the majority of her health hurdles – I failed as a mother right at the beginning. As I read the last sentence back I know that’s absolutely not the case but that doesn’t make it any better.

    I like to think that the water washes away not only my tears but my fears yet still they return.

    It’s my job to be strong for Boo – to champion her at her best and raise her at her lowest. There is no conscious room for my emotions. So with a smile and my hidden tears, I will carry Boo through this – just like every other mother.

    Selfie style photo of a mother a daughter smiling and hugging

    I haven’t written this because I think I find myself in a unique position, I’ve written this because so many mothers go through exactly the same; there are countless tears cried by mothers in secret, burdened with staying publicly strong.

    So until there is no need for tears of fear I will continue with my secret… crying in the shower.

  • Dating Isn’t A Dirty Word | Match

    Dating Isn’t A Dirty Word | Match

    We all know that dating when you’re a single parent isn’t easy. I was absolutely blown away by all your kind words when I wrote about it earlier this month after partnering with Match to showcase their new offering for single parents.

    Mother and daughter stood looking into each other's eyes

    All the talk of dating got me thinking about the last time that I went on a real life date. The answer is shocking… it’s been 11 years (yes 11 – I didn’t accidentally hit too many 1s!). I was in a relationship my whole adult life until I had Boo, then became a single parent when she was one. The years ran away with me and research released by Match shows that I’m not the only one – 45% of single parents never go on dates and 35% admitted they’ve not been on a date in the past year. I wonder how many of those people haven’t been on a date in 10 years!

     

    This weekend, Match teamed up with PizzaExpress and the childcare expert, Yoopies, in central London to put on a speed dating mixer with a difference: single parents were invited to come along with their children.

     

    I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have my doubts as to how the afternoon would go – would it be Awkward with a capital A? Would it feel strange for people to have their children there? Then it hit me: dating doesn’t have to be solely romantic – it’s as much about what you get out of it socially as it is romantically.

     

    The afternoon went as follows: the children got to play with each other and got busy making pizzas while the adults chatted – that was literally it. It was lovely to see parents from so many different walks of life come out of their shell and socialise, meeting new people and making friends.

     

    I think we sometimes see dating as something to endure, as a means to an end, and whilst it can be – our attitudes need to change. Dating is not a dirty word. I’ve said previously that I won’t be sad if in ten years’ time if Boo and I resemble Lorelai and Rory from Gilmore Girls. Being single isn’t a runner up position in life – it’s a choice for many. However, no one wants to feel as if they’re missing out, and Match is there for those who do.


     Mother and daughter stood looking each other's eyes

    For more information visit http://bit.ly/HappyDating

     

    Match is currently offering three, free babysitting hours in partnership with childcare expert Yoopies. Any new or existing Match member will be able to get a date night free with three free hours of babysitting, plus the usual membership fee to Yoopies waived. The Yoopies premium membership is valid for two months after being credited on the account.

     

    Disclosure: This is a collaboration with Match, a fee was received for my time.

  • Making Bedtime A Dream with Moshi Twilight | AD

    With newborns comes the obsession with sleep. How much are you getting, how much are they getting – when the magic of sleeping through the night happens. What no one tells you is that one of the best kept secrets for a happy family home is a good nights sleep for everyone. I’m a big fan of setting myself up for a solid 6 hours (minimum) of rest with my must haves of lavender pillow spray, relaxing music and a camomile tea. But what about mindfulness for children at bedtime?

    I’ve spent years creating a positive bedtime experience for Boo and am always interested in discovering new approaches as she continues to grow and develop throughout childhood. Moshi Twilight agree with me and we’ve been testing out their sleep stories app for the past few weeks.

    Even though Boo is nearly seven, bedtime is still a big deal in our house and the Moshi Twilight Sleep Stories App helps make every bedtime positive. It’s based on the idea of mindfulness and that a good bedtime makes for a great nights sleep.

    The app offers stories set in the enchanting world of Moshi that help children to fall asleep all the while filled with soothing melodies and soundscapes. The Moshi Twilight Sleep Stories App is designed to enhance your child’s bedtime and is in no way a replacement for a bedtime story and cuddles. After I’ve kissed Boo goodnight I set the app for a sleep cycle and it plays soothing melodies while setting a story in dreamland for Boo. There’s absolutely no screen time as it plays with the screen locked, and is left up on the shelf. Boo absolutely loves the soothing music and tones – there are new stories and sounds added each week, and you can see her face visibly relax as she slowly drifts off to sleep (hands up who still sneaks, a peak of their children as they drift off – it’s like cat nip for mothers)

    The new guide relaxation is also great for travel – perfect for family holidays and those inevitable bedtimes on a plane. The guided relaxation takes restless passengers on a mellow Moshi journey – adventure and travel are where we’re happiest but it’s so important to keep elements of routine when travelling with children; the app is perfect for that.

    There is a free version of the app as well as multiple subscription options and is designed in such a way that as parents you remain in control.

    The Moshi Twilight Sleep Stories app is available to download for both Apple and Android devices and is now available on the Amazon Alexa.

    Disclosure: A fee has been received for my time.