I’ve been a single parent for nearly four years and in that time I’ve remained publicly single, is dating when you’re a mother the final unspoken parenting taboo? Or is it the unattainable happily ever after oasis flickering in the distance?

This is a post I’ve been meaning to write for a long time, so much so that I’ve got different drafts on my phone in notes, on my mac, even scribbled in my notepad yet somehow each time I’ve shied away from hitting the post button. Being a single mother isn’t something I hide, yet I wouldn’t say it’s something I constantly talk about. I don’t know why this is, and if I’m being completely honest I’m not entirely sure it has much significance; it’s just the way I am.

Do I even want to date? I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous – I’m allergic to cats so the crazy cat lady look is not an option for me. Plus I’m incredibly content as a single woman: I am not lonely merely alone. I swing between these two camps on a monthly sometimes weekly basis. Do I continue to be the singular pillar of continuity for Boo putting the idea of meeting someone to the back of my mind? But then I indignantly shake myself from thinking like that and remind myself that I am indeed a twenty-something red blooded woman who should be pursuing relationships.

Maybe I’m searching for the holy grail that exists in the tiny slither between born again virginity and having a revolving door of ‘uncles’; of course I’m exaggerating but most of the time, that’s exactly how I feel. Society is such that the popcorn is on keep warm waiting for the moment to swoop down and judge a mother’s decision, least what she chooses to do behind closed (bedroom) doors

Get past the decision of whether to date and I’m faced with an even bigger hurdle: the practicalities of dating. Two and a half days a month are what I have to call my own, hardly enough to get to know someone never mind maintain all the goings on of a relationship – I think you know what I mean! Talking of sex, that’s a whole other minefield; we all know sex and how we feel changes once we become a mother (doesn’t have to be in a bad way, it just does) how does that fit in with someone new? And don’t even get me started on the whole booty call aka the ‘Aaaarrgghhhh I have less than an hour to look like I walk round like a groomed, leg hair free, let’s not even talk about bikini line woman’ call.

Plus where are all these eligible men? With a curfew of Boo’s bedtime imposed, I’m left with little to no opportunity to meet anyone – this isn’t the film Bad Moms where extremely hot guys who are ready for family life are just loitering around waiting to catch you eye -actually I’m pretty sure that would creep me out more than anything – you can keep that one Hollywood.

In this modern mothering landscape with shifting family setups, maybe dilemmas are set to focus less on babyled vs. puree and more on how to find love –or at least a relationship – after becoming a mother.

It happened today, if I’m completely honest I’m amazed it’s taken this long; this morning I dropped the ball and the juggling act came to a crashing halt. I failed to deliver on a freelance deadline – the fist time it’s ever happened! I mean I’ve pulled all nighters, I’ve cut it ridiculously close but this is the first time I’ve had to e-mail a client at 9am to say that the project wasn’t finished and would need an extra day which I can’t deliver on until the end of tomorrow. It sucked. Big time. I am the master of juggling swan style – making it look like I have everything under control and 90% of the time I do, but not today.

The significance of dropping the ball today has hit me hard – maybe I can’t do it all? But the problem is, I have to. The buck stops with me; I’m responsible for everything in our family and I’m used to it. But that doesn’t stop the self doubt creeping in when you wonder if you can be a good mother, a respected professional, a friend oh and that little thing called general dogsbody round the house.

Life as a single parent is one massive juggling act trying to keep the balance – when I’m doing well work wise the guilt starts to creep in that i’m not devoting enough time to Boo. It’s her last day of the summer holidays so we met with a few friends for coffee and cake and that felt lovely but then I was sat there making a mental list of how many other deadlines I have this week.

I suppose there is no real answer and perhaps I just need to recharge and reset: easier said than done when you’re the only one who can make a cup of tea. So for now it’s knowing that whilst I dropped the ball today, there’s nothing stopping me picking it up tomorrow morning… The juggling act must go on.

I’ve been awake since 2.30am – I woke up as you were stirring and foolishly decided to check the count, and from then I laid awake squinting at my phone as the results were updated – with each district being a slow and falsely encouraging sign that we’d remain until about 4.30am when the BBC predicted that the Leave vote would win. I then stopped looking as we all knew the eventual outcome.

As you laid in my arms snuffling away undoubtedly dreaming of something Bootastic I felt so sorry. Sorry as a mother that this is the world you are set to grow up in. One where the country is polarised on not just an economic decision but our core identity.

Today is a sad day, not one of ‘independence’ as some have billed it which can far too often be synonymous with isolation. I’m sorry you future has been irrevocably changed and not for the better. Nothing is great about a nation that doesn’t want to be part of something bigger. I am so sorry that today I am ashamed to be British.. . I have never said that it hurts just to write it, but what hurts more is to know that you live amongst people who are not only completely opposite in their outlook on life – democracy is everything regardless of whether you get the outcome you want and I would never seek to undermine that – but I don’t feel home. Europe is our home and now they will have us leave it.

I’m sorry that 16 million people didn’t vote, I’m sorry that we don’t have mandatory voting – since when did people become so flippant with democracy?

There is so much uncertainty and hatred –granted on both sides – and I’m sorry that your generation will inherit this poison legacy.

I’m sorry that Europe will think that I voted, wanted this; that I don’t want to be part of the EU. I so do.

Not enough people take an interest in politics on a day to day level and that’s something I’d like to see change – I for one will now seek to help campaign, influence and take an active role in trying to secure you a better future.

I’m sorry that I don’t know where this leaves us with regards to our future. Is there a place for you and me in a Britain, or more importantly is there a place for Britain within us.

All I know is that you woke today excited that it’s Friday which means PE and yet I as a mother am less certain about what your future holds than I ever have been. As a mother, I should have the answer and for once I don’t and am scared. I am so so sorry Boo.

When you hear PTA what do you think? Before Boo started school it conjured up memories of frantic bake sales when I was a child, and Mum heading out to race nights. When I attended my first PTA meeting I wasn’t expecting much and I was certain whatever I did find wouldn’t be for me; the reality couldn’t have been further from this.

What I discovered was an open, friendly bunch of parents who are committed to maximizing the opportunities available to our children at school. It was great to meet parents from such a diverse background who without the forum of the PTA I’d have been unlikely to meet as our children are spread amongst the school.

Fast-forward a year and I was elected co-chair in September and was charged with my first task: organizing the first casino fundraiser evening. 4 months later and I managed to pull off an evening of food, music, fundraising and fun casino… not to mention Prosecco and dancing!

We chose the local golf club, The Oaks to host our event and they were absolutely fantastic with helping nail down the details to last minute seating changes. The main event of the evening apart from the much anticipated raffle was the fun casino – we were super fortunate to have Alan from KG Entertainments who helped make the evening possible, thanks so much!

If you’re in two minds as to whether a fun casino would work at an event you’re organizing, take it from me, they’re the perfect party entertainment – it was the talk of the playground for weeks.

I was absolutely blown away by the great prizes we managed to secure for the raffle, including tickets to Sarah Millican at The Eventim Apollo, Afternoon Tea at a Handpicked Hotel, Blow Dry at Frank Di Lusso, Beauty Treatment at The Flutter Lounge plus lots more.

The main aim of the game was to raise lots of money for our PTA and between the fun casino and raffle we raised just shy of £1000 which was fantastic, massive thanks to everyone who came, supported, photocopied menus, or listened to my napkin colour choice dilemma.

PTAs are a fantastic way of making a real difference to your child’s school experience; I learnt that when it comes down to it, we have a lot more in common with the parents at the school gate than you might imagine – pretty sure everyone hit the dance floor when the old school garage came on! My only regret? Not taking ANY photos!

And the best part? We’ve just rebooked to do it all again next year.

Happiness is a word that is banded around an awful lot so when the lovely Donna from What The Redhead Said tagged me to share my happiness non-negotiables it was a great opportunity to think about what really made me happy:

Sleep
I’m not one of those people who boast about surviving on less than four hours sleep a night, I need my sleep; yes I can pull all nighters, yes I regularly wake up at 5am as I find I am most productive whilst most are still snoring but I cannot sustain a healthy life without sleep, even if I could I don’t want to – waking up rested makes me happy, almost as much as getting into bed with fresh sheets.

Light
I’m not talking about overhead vs. lamp – for me the simple joy of natural light is the best mood lifter. Working from home means I get to see my home from every single angle (wherever I can balance my mac on my lap – you can bet your bottom dollar I’ve sat and worked there) and light wins every time. Light is also what makes me smile on a cold winters’ morning when I remember how it dances across Boo’s face when she’s splashing in the sea.

Laughter
Ask anyone about me and one of the first things that they’ll probably say is that I laugh… a lot. If I’m not cracking a joke you’ll find me laughing my head off; it’s probably one of the most endearing and annoying things about me and I love it. Laughter isn’t just good for the soul, it’s good for the household – be it pinning Boo down for tickle time or watching her crack up as I do my best throwback performance of Spice Girls. Laughter brings our house alive, plus you can’t help but smile when you laugh!

Music
I’m pretty sure this one doesn’t need too much explaining; music is ever present in our life. Early mornings, late nights, shower time, car journeys, dance offs in the kitchen on a Saturday morning while I make my legendary breakfast pancakes. Whatever we’re up to there’s a song that can not only match our mood but sometimes even lift it.

Love
Love is all we need, blah blah – I’m not talking about the hearts and flowers type, it’s the feeling of love in your life; it’s a Mama and Boo thing. I can’t even begin to imagine how many kisses and hugs I’ve given Boo, it’s a real joy of being a mother, being able to show your love in such a fundamentally instinctive way.

Friends
Mum squad, girl gang, wing woman, call it what you want, friendship is integral to my happiness; from building me up and encouraging me to the ‘what were you thinking’ face that only a friend can give you. Surrounding myself with positive, strong women can only be a good thing.

Family
Family means so much to me in so many different ways; it’s where it all begins, we head out on our adventures that take us far away on such differing paths yet we return to family and motherhood has allowed me to realise just how important it is to belong. I’m fiercely proud to be part of #CorrietteClan.

And these are my happiness non-negotiables, would love to hear what yours are; I’m tagging Jenni, Lisa, Jess and Clare to share your non-negotiables when it comes to happiness.